ain't no corn in The Karate Kid

Steven glared bitterly at the corn on his plate and pushed it around a little with his chopsticks.

Master Chu stroked his fine beard pointedly and shot the young boy a fierce look. You could nearly imagine it being accompanied by the noise of a whip-crack. "You must eat for strength, young man! The body cannot run on vengeance alone!"

The 12-year old rolled his eyes and slouched in his chair. He let his head roll back lazily for effect. "Vengeance? What are you talking about, dude? Also, this is supposed to be rice." He set down the chopsticks and folded his arms.

Master Chu concentrated his intense, malevolent gaze on a single point of the wooden table before snapping it sharply onto the boy(presumably the table would have burst into flames otherwise). Steven winced reflexively but continued to slouch in defiance.

"Such impudence!" The old man trembled with rage. "You should be more careful with your tongue, lest you find it plucked out by a master whose patience you have eroded!"

Steven looked incredulous, but mostly bored. "What? Dude, that is gross and creepy. Do you like, know my mom? When will she get back?"

"You do not have time for such concerns, whelp!" The old master twisted his long wispy mustache between in his fingers. "Now finish your meal, and we will begin turning your body and will into deadly weapons!"

The boy screwed up his face and sighed petulantly. "Your fake fu manchu's starting to come off."

Master Chu's rage boiled over. As he quickly smoothed his mustache back against his face, he plucked Steven out of the chair and lifted him bodily into the air by his shoulders. He carried the boy out the back door, into a meticulously landscaped backyard. The old man dropped the 12-year old roughly onto a stone bench near a small pond filled with koi. A large stone statue of Buddha overlooked the peaceful tableau.

Steven crossed his arms again. "Dude, this is lame as shit. I can hear the ice cream truck going down your street. It's playing the Mister Softee song."

Master Chu said nothing. Steven snorted and began to pipe up again, but the now-furious old man silenced him with a hateful grimace. He then turned to the statue and closed his eyes. Turning one palm to the ground and one palm to the sky, he bent his knees into a low, open stance while inhaling slowly. The birds stopped chirping and the air seemed suddenly still. Then, with a subtle twist of the ankle on his leading leg, his back foot flashed out, almost invisibly, in an upward arc. A great gout of water leapt up out of the pond, shattering the silence, and moments later the stone statue slid apart, cleanly bisected on the diagonal. As the sounds of birds and the Mister Softee truck filtered once again into the back yard, the old man nudged a displaced fish back into the pond.

Steven's eyes boggled, but he regained his unimpressed expression quickly. "Nice special effects, old dude. I especially like the water fountain."

Master Chu turned on Steven, pulling off his fake mustache as he grabbed the boy by his shirt. "Look, kid, I'm gonna level with you. Normally the Wizened Old Master shtick works pretty good, but I can see you got some sort of problem with that. But this kung fu shit isn't a trick, and I'm getting kind of close to stopping your heart with some ancient Chinese technique. So do you want to settle down learn how to break a guy's neck four times before he hits the ground or what?"